I Failed

I moved to Michigan for college two years ago, and I came home two years later without a degree. It was nothing like I'd hoped it would be. It wasn't the right fit for me for a lot of different reasons that don't really matter anymore. What matters to me, what has stuck with me since I moved back, is that I failed. I didn't fail at school specifically. It wasn't the classes or the homework or the tests. But I still failed. I left home, moved to a new state, went to school to get a degree, and I didn't do that. I disappointed people; I disappointed myself. I came home a failure. And I felt terrible about it.

But now I've had time to think about it. I've thought about my time in Michigan, I've thought about failing, and I've started to realize that maybe it isn't such a terrible thing. Growing up, we all want to be successful in whatever we choose to do with our lives. Success is important. We learn throughout our entire lives that success will bring us happiness.

We're terrified of failing. We don't want to fail that test, or lose that job, or mess up that new diet we're trying. Why are we so scared of screwing up? So things didn't work out like you'd hoped they would. You gained ten pounds, you got fired, you moved somewhere and hated it. So what?

I'm learning as I grow older that you can learn a lot in those failures. I failed. But I also learned that I'm strong. I learned that I can be alone and be okay. I learned that it's always best to be open and honest regardless of how scary it seems. And I learned that it's perfectly okay to try something and have it not work out. It's okay to fail sometimes. Maybe if I hadn't, if everything had gone exactly as I hoped it would, I wouldn't have ever discovered these things about myself.

Don't be ashamed of failing. I'm not. I'm proud of myself. Because I got through it. I failed and I picked myself up, took some time and deep breaths, and I realized that there was beauty in my failure. I'm a better person now than I was before. I'm the person I am now because I failed. So pick yourself up, take some deep breaths, and know that it's okay to fail.

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